God? I think not…

We are all connected by these tiny delicate threads intricately – one thread entangled with another making a web. We go about our lives strengthening some threads, weakening others, breaking some and making some new ones –always keeping it tightly knit, always strengthening it. Some threads lead to lives which although not a part of our day to day drudgery, are vital to keeping the web of life intact, secure. Then suddenly, Providence, or what ever you choose to call it, decides that it doesn’t like your closely knit, warm life and snap! Breaks one thread and it all crumbles. You just frantically look around trying to cling on to each thread of hope, faith and belief while all just slips away and you are left wondering what is God’s will in this?

In fact is there really a God out there or is it just a concept we use to fool ourselves into believing that we are being taken care of? If God is our guardian then how come he cruelly snatches a life? A life now being referred to as soul…a life full of warmth, smiles, goodness and love? You are making these elaborate plans fondly about the future and suddenly you are left frantically clutching at the slipping sand trying to hold on to memories of this chubby little boy who grew into a strapping handsome man in front of your very eyes.

As we struggle with our daily lives, trying to make it in time to office, get the kids to finish their work get the leak in the roof fixed, we just get very secure and comfortable in our tiny webs completely oblivion to the cruel ways of destiny or God (take your pick, I don’t care for what it is referred to as). If this is supposed to be a test of my faith then I have failed since keeping faith in something so cruel is beyond me. Didn’t he for once feel a tug at heart (if he has one that is) before he just decided to take away the soul of a family? Growing inside me is a persistent voice that says that we are all random beings thrown together by chance and pulled apart by equally bizarre random events. There can’t be a God.

Does the almighty has a plan in everything? So there is a plan in taking away a smiling, perfectly ordinary life which was just on the brink of starting out? I don’t see a well thought out plan. It is more whimsical and entirely random. I think the idea of God is just a thread that we hold on to making it somewhat easier for some of us to hold on to life as it slips away, gets plundered and snatched away.

Each one of us will deal with the grief in our own way but I also know time doesn’t fix it. It just teaches us to live with the pain and the faint memory. It just teaches us to seek relief in the temporary day dream of the door bell ringing and him being there complete with the infectious full hearted smile. These are just empty words but I know nothing better to take out some amount of pain inside. Words won’t make the pain go away for any of us but that is all we have to connect to each other in this time. The baby of the family has been snatched away and all of us have been left grappling for words to express our sorrow and for strength to stand by those left behind. ‘Chotu, this was not your time to go….you had a life ahead of you…you had much more cheer to spread and as you leave us, you take that all with you and leave behind a shredded, hard to repair web.’

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4 thoughts on “God? I think not…

  1. Memories of Chottu are all we are left with. The tears may soon go away and time may heal the wounds but the scars will remain…forever. Don’t know why God snatched him away from us at such an early age and why him? why my little bhai? These are questions for which we have no answers. There is a constant picture running in front of my eyes – we all playing as kids on the 1st floor of Dadaji’s house, his excited face when he was selected for the Army (was so proud that finally someone from our generation was going to join the Army), Chottu dancing in Bitto’s wedding and looking so handsome and then the images get blurred all into one…the one I don’t want to see. I still cant believe he is no longer with us. He was looking so peaceful today as if he was simply sleeping and will wake up anytime! I just hope he is at peace wherever he us!

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    1. I know the feeling reetu….didn’t have the opportunity to know him as much as u did.but from what ever little opportunity I had to know him, always wished that my boys turn out like him and bittoo….. Everybody’s darling… It is just not fair.

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  2. Here’s wishing the entire family strength to live thru this..may he RIP wherever he is..and no somethings is life do not have a bigger picture and this one shall forever remain a blank space..

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