A woman? Read.

Are you wondering about the preconditions that make a case of assault/molestation/rape/attempt to kidnap fall flat and the so-called victim being the perpetrator? Look no further. If you fulfill any of the following conditions, lump it and go home:

1. You enjoy alcohol. No, even if it is wine, the proverbial women’s drink, you are non sanskari hence not eligible to file a complaint. And god forbid, if whiskey is your poison, a case should be filed against you.

2. You wear clothes that expose any body part. Yes toes too. And knees, especially the knees.

3. You have a questionable profession. If you are a teacher, a doctor or a housewife, you might get some credibility. If you are a DJ, wait what? That is a profession? Madam ko thaney se bahar phenko! No complaint.

4. You stay out beyond sunset. If no, then you have full right to complain. Action still not guaranteed though. If you are out at night, it is an invitation, no? You can not go and cry about an invitation now, can you?

5. You have male friends. Charitraheen! Why are you even reading this? And if the assailant was known to you, then it must have been business deal gone awry. So stop screaming.

6. You are brave enough to fend the attack off and quick-witted to report it to the police and on social media. If you had been a victim you would have quietly suffered and not created a hullabaloo.

7. You question things. Too many whys are a sign of a perpetrator not a victim. So shut up.

8. You are a woman.